- me: (GASP) You scared me!
- dad: Oh...
- mom: That's what yall get! Both of yall always tippin around here like cats; finally yall scared eachother.
- dad: ... I'm a tiger.
- me: I'M A SNOW LEOPARD!
- dad: Morgan's a snow leopard!
- mom: -___________-
- dad: You know they're bringing Amtrak down here?
- mom: Yeah, finally, it'll make things a lot easier...
- dad: And do you know what our vice president was before he got into politics?
- me: What? A conductor?
- mom: *DEAD WEAK*
- Girl#1: ... He's just weird....
- Me: ("... this b*tch" face)
- Girl#2: I love Kendrick Lamar... his music is just dope...
- Me: ("where the f*ck you been" face)
- me: I wonder if I should just go ahead and watch the Presidential Debate tonight because my teacher is probably just gonna show us it tomorrow...
- mymom: ... Yeah everybody at work has been askin me all day if I'm gonna watch that tonight like "Ehh... Ohhh Rhonnnda, are you gonna watch the debate tonight, ehhh" next time i'm gonna ask'um if they momma's gonna be watchin the debate tonight.
- me: Why you gotta bring they momma into it? they just askin you if...
- mymom: All i'm sayin is that I'm gonna ask if they momma watchin the debate..
- me: Wow... (laughing) Your just so unbelievably classy and mature, Ma..
- mymom: I know right! (laughing) shutup
- my cleveland cousin: Why didn't you bring a jacket and it's not that cold out anyway, it's only 61 or so..
- me: well, it's not like this down where I'm at!.. yall up here kissin Canada..
- (listening to "White" - Frank Ocean ft. John Mayer)
- Mother: You in here listenin to smooth jazz??
- .... -____________-
- (driving across bridge) What if a spacecraft just appeared in the sky and started shooting down the bridge?
- .... Then I would die, ma... Now what??
- You think I would let you die?! I would maneuver this truck off this bridge to safety so fast... (shaking head)
- ... Okay, ma... Thanks, I guess...
- ~~~~~~~~~~~DEDICATED TO LION.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
- You need to learn how to swim!
- I don't wanna...
- What if you get dumped in a river?!
- I'm not gonna do anything to get myself dumped in a river!
- People don't ASK to get kidnapped!
- can you come and empty the dishwasher?
- sure, pops.
- Ms. get something to eat, take a nap, get something to eat, take a nap, get something to eat, take a nap, PERSON...
- There's a dessert between there somewhere...
- Happy Thanksgiving